


your integrity makes me seem small

by dharmainitiative



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Pining, Protectiveness, Sharing a Bed, Sickfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-09
Updated: 2020-09-09
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:47:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26379811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dharmainitiative/pseuds/dharmainitiative
Summary: Five times Dex asks Nursey for help, and one time he doesn't have to.
Relationships: Derek "Nursey" Nurse/William "Dex" Poindexter
Comments: 31
Kudos: 252





	your integrity makes me seem small

**Author's Note:**

> i wanted to write a soft nurseydex fic that takes place during their senior year from dex's pov, so i wrote this. slightly inspired by this [tumblr post](https://adambirkholtz.tumblr.com/post/626478192887283712/bruhv-protective-nursey-is-a-concept-i-have-never)
> 
> title from peace by taylor swift, a true nurseydex anthem

**one.**

The night after the end of the year ceremony, Dex still doesn’t know how he got voted captain. 

There’s a few people’s votes he understands. Tango looks up to him a ridiculous amount (though Dex isn’t quite sure why), and Chowder’s his best friend (though he assumed his vote would go to Nursey), and he and Hops are pretty close, actually, so that makes sense. But he can’t figure out why anyone else would bother to vote for him, and he especially can’t understand why Nursey would.

Sure, despite their bickering and out-right fights, he knows he and Nursey are friends. He can even privately admit to himself that he’s closer to Nursey than anyone else on the team, save Chowder. But it’s taken a long time for Dex to realize that, and given their tense and somewhat complicated past, he never would’ve imagined Nursey actually voting for him as captain.

But when he’d pressed Nursey on it, he’d just said, “Of course I voted for you.” Like it was obvious. Like it was a guarantee. But hours later, as Dex stares at his reflection in the basement bathroom brushing his teeth, he still doesn’t know what Nursey meant.

Frustrated, Dex spits his toothpaste into the sink, turns off the tap, and marches up the stairs until he’s standing outside Nursey’s door, taking a deep breath until he knocks quietly against it.

It’s almost midnight, but he’s not surprised when Nursey calls, “Come in,” and Dex pushes open the door to see Nursey still in his day clothes, hunched over at the desk that used to be Dex’s. 

“Why did you vote for me?” He asks, still standing in the doorway.

“Well hello to you, too,” Nursey says, spinning his desk chair around. “What, are you doing a poll of the whole Haus at 12 am?”

“No,” Dex rolls his eyes. “I’m asking you. Specifically.” Nursey lifts one eyebrow, and Dex shifts on one foot. “Well, you just seemed so confident in your choice, so. I wanted to know why.”

“I dunno,” Nursey says, leaning back in his chair. “You just seemed like the obvious choice.”

Dex blinks. “Seriously?” 

“What, you think I should’ve voted for someone else instead?”

“Well, I voted for Whiskey,” Dex says. “But...well, I sort of wondered if it’d end up being you.”

“Me?” Nursey looks surprised. “Why?”

Dex, ridiculously, flushes. “I don’t know. You’re good at staying calm in high pressure situations, and you’re really close with everyone on the team, so if anyone had an issue they’d feel comfortable going to you about it. And you’re good with words and communicating and talking to people; I’m shit at all of that stuff.”

“Dude, I appreciate the ego boost, but if you had voted for me to be captain, I would’ve killed you. There’s no way I could lead a hockey team  _ and  _ churn out a twenty page thesis for my English seminar next year.”

He has a point, maybe, but still. “Don’t sell yourself short, Nurse.”

“Don’t sell  _ yourself  _ short,” Nursey shoots back, and Dex looks away. “I mean, I get it. You’ve got big shoes to fill. Jack was a legend, Ransom and Holster were incredible, and Bitty...shit, he made headlines. Like, this might be a hot take, but I think Bitty might be the best captain Samwell has had since — ”

“Nursey,” Dex interrupts. “Not helping.”

“Right, sorry. I guess what I’m trying to say is that you don’t have to worry about all that, because we didn’t vote for Jack, or Rans and Holster, or Bitty. We voted for  _ you.  _ And maybe communication isn’t your strong suit, and you’ve got a permanent stick up your ass, but you’re also dedicated, and hardworking, and solid, and reliable. Plus, you’ve been scheduling room assignments for roadies and organizing team meetings and watching our backs on the ice since we were Frogs, so, no offense, but if you’re  _ seriously  _ wondering why me, or anyone else on the team voted for you, then you’re an idiot.”

Dex opens his mouth and tries to say something half as eloquent as Nursey’s motivating speech, but all he manages is an, “Oh.”

Nursey raises an eyebrow. “Oh?”

“Thanks,” Dex practically squeaks out. “I meant thanks.”

“Yeah, well. Whatever,” Nursey shrugs, always effortlessly casual, but he’s grinning a little when he says, “Got your back, Poindorkster.”

“Yeah. I know,” Dex says, and is surprised to find that he means it. 

  
  


**two.**

“You know, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you drunk before,” Nursey says, arm wrapped around Dex’s back as they descend the stairs towards his basement bungalow.

“I’m not drunk,” Dex says, or at least, tries to say, but it comes out slurred even to his own ears.

The truth is, Dex might be a little drunk. They just had their first game of the season, and it was a good game. A  _ great  _ game, even, and when Chowder blocked the other team’s goal in the last five seconds, Dex’s teammates’ screams were so deafeningly loud he’s sure the whole campus heard them. 

And a great win obviously warrants a kegster, and of course Bitty, Shitty, Holster, Ransom, Lardo, and even Jack drove down the for occasion, and of course Shitty had made tub juice and encouraged him to drink his fill — “It’s your first win as captain, come on, dude,” — and of course now here Dex is, forced to ask his d-man to escort him to his room because he can't hold his liquor. 

“Dude, it’s fine,” Nursey says now as they reach Dex’s door. He twists it open with one hand. “I like Drunk Dex.”

Dex grumbles, but doesn’t say anything more. His face feels a little hot at the remark, but he ignores it, just like he’d ignored the way the beaming smile Nursey had shot him after they scored their first point made his stomach do somersaults. 

In Dex’s bedroom, Nursey drops Dex as gently as he’s capable of onto his bed before rummaging through his drawers and then tossing him a pair of sweats that Dex notices unhelpfully were stolen from Nursey on a roadie last year. While Dex changes, Nursey goes to the bathroom to fill Dex’s water bottle, and puts it next to a bottle of Tylenol on his bedside table for the morning.

“You want me to grab you some Gatorade, too?” Nursey asks as he plugs Dex’s phone into the charger.

“No, s’okay.” He feels a little awkward at being attended to like this. He’s never been on the receiving side of this sort of thing — usually  _ he’s _ the one taking care of Nursey.

“No problem, dude,” Nursey says easily. “Just returning the favor from all the Nursey Patrols you’ve endured over the years.”

“I didn’t mind it.” 

Nursey laughs. 

“I didn’t!” Dex insists.

“Must be why you complain every time you get stuck with it,” Nursey says with sarcasm.

“I was just bein’ an ass,” Dex mumbles, and Nursey lets out a surprised laugh. “You say stupid shit during Nursey Patrol. S’funny.”

“Yeah?” Nursey says, a mischievous grin on his face.

“Okay, I see. Now  _ I’m  _ drunk, so you’re trying to get  _ me  _ to say something in- incrimi--” Dex tries, and Nursey waits. “Stupid,” he finally finishes.

“Only if you have something stupid to say,” Nursey says innocently.

Dex huffs. “I don’t, thank you.”

Nursey just smirks. “Okay, if you say so.” He shoves his hands in his pockets. “You good for the night?”

“Yeah. Thanks.”

“No prob,” Nursey says again. “But I should probably get back to my room in case Bully tries to swing somebody in there while I’m gone.”

He’s not sure why he does it. But the second Nursey turns to go, Dex grabs his arm. “Wait.” Nursey turns back, expectant. “Just...I’m sorry.”

Nursey blinks. “It’s fine, dude. Bully breaks into my room every — ”

“Not that,” Dex shakes his head, because it feels really muddled by all the alcohol, and he wants to say this right. “I meant I’m sorry for moving out.”

Nursey stills. “Oh.”

Dex looks down at his lap. There’s a frayed thread on the hem of Nursey’s Poetry Slam 2015 t-shirt, and Dex keeps forgetting to cut it off. “I know I was a dick about the whole thing. And I was never very easy to live with. But I blamed the whole situation on you, and instead of trying to fix things I just left without telling you. And I should’ve said something before now, but I didn’t. So. I’m sorry.”

“Hey, it’s fine.” Nursey gently sits across from Dex on the bed. “I wasn’t exactly easy to live with, either.”

“I could’ve tried harder,” Dex mumbles.

“Dex,” Nursey says. “It’s fine.”

“It’s not,” Dex says, still staring hard down at his lap. “And after everything, you still voted for me, and I don’t — ”

“This again?” Nursey demands. Dex shrugs, still not looking up, and Nursey sighs. For a second, he doesn’t say anything, and he’s so quiet that Dex almost wonders if he’s left. 

Finally, he says, “The away game where you checked that dickhead.”

Dex’s head snaps up. “What?”

“When we were living together, I was purposefully aggravating, and that’s on me. But when you got so bent out of shape about it, and moved out without even bothering to tell me, I was angry, and I was a little hurt, for a long time. I hadn’t given much thought to who I would vote as captain, and like, I was really hoping it wouldn’t be me, but I was probably gonna just vote for myself anyway like the narcissist I am.” 

Dex snorts, and Nursey grins, then continues, “But then we had that away game where the guy on the other team was harassing Bitty left and right, and I was  _ so  _ angry about it but I couldn’t think of anything I could do and then you just — did it. You checked him, and you got him ejected from the game, just like that. And then I realized that despite you moving out, and our arguing, and everything, that you were always gonna have the team’s back no matter what. And that’s why I decided to vote for you.”

“I didn’t know you saw that,” Dex says finally.

Nursey shrugs. “I’m pretty hashtag observant.”

Dex snorts again.

“You can be an asshole, sure,” Nursey continues, and then he shrugs. “But...you’re always trying to be better, you know? You’re good.”

Dex, taken aback by the honesty in Nursey’s voice, feels at a loss for words. He should say something meaningful in response, something like,  _ I try because of you,  _ or  _ You’re the reason I’m better.  _ But Dex is still drunk, so what actually comes out is, “You make me good.”

He snaps his mouth shut, mortified, but Nursey just smiles. “Yeah. Same here.”

  
  
  


**three.**

They lose their tenth game of the season. 

It’s a crushing loss. They barely made it on the scoreboard in the first place, and Chowder looks near tears when they board the bus later. All Dex wants is to go home, snuggle up under the comforter in his bungalow, and cease to exist, but it’s an away game, so he still has to endure a night in a hotel.

“Do you want the left bed or the right?” Nursey asks once they reach the room they’re sharing.

Dex shrugs, partly because he doesn’t care, but partly because he isn’t sure he can talk right now without yelling, or worse, crying.

Nursey shrugs and tosses his bag onto the bed on the left. Dex takes the right, but he walks to it slowly, because it feels like there’s lead in the pit of his stomach.

“You cool if I take first shower? I smell like shit.”

Dex nods, and Nursey frowns at him, though Dex isn’t sure why. It isn’t until Nursey’s closed the bathroom door behind him that he decides it’s probably because he didn’t take the opportunity to agree with him. He’s never missed an opportunity to insult Nursey before, but he doesn’t have the energy for a round of teasing right now. 

When Nursey emerges from the shower, Dex is still in the same position he was when Nursey left, which makes Nursey frown at him again. “Hey...you okay?”

“Yeah,” Dex manages, his voice scratchy from disuse.

Nursey evidently isn’t convinced, because he sits on his bed, opposite to Dex. The hotel room is small, but with Nursey on the other side of the room, it feels huge.

“Hey,” Nursey says again, and Dex looks over at him. His eyes are normally a dark murky green, but right now they look warm and full of concern. “Losing the game wasn’t your fault.”

Dex shrugs again.

“Dex, I mean it.”

He knows Nursey means it. But Dex also knows that he’s captain, and this team is looking up to him, and every loss, every injury, every missed goal…that’s his responsibility. And today, he let them down.

“I could’ve tried harder,” Dex finally says.

“Dex — ”

“I could’ve paid more attention during practice, could’ve gone over the plays before the game one more time...there’s so much more I could’ve done. And I didn’t. And everyone on this team is counting on me. And I — I can’t stop thinking about what Bitty would think if he — ” 

Abruptly, Dex’s voice breaks, and he feels his eyes start to burn.

He hopes Nursey won’t notice, but tragically, Nursey is always hashtag observant, and is already standing up and sitting right next to him.

“Will,” Nursey says gently. Dex blinks hard, and Nursey tentatively reaches out a hand. “Is it okay if — ”

Dex nods, and then Nursey is pulling Dex against his chest, wrapping his arms around his back. 

They don’t do this. Nursey can be pretty tactile, but only with Chowder or Hops or Bitty — he never does anything more than pat Dex on the back or ruffle his hair. They’re not Ransom and Holster. But with Nursey’s arms around his back, Nursey’s head on his shoulder, and his face pressed against the soft material of Nursey’s shirt, he wonders why they never do this, because...it’s good. It’s nice.

“It’s okay to be upset,” Nursey says, voice gentler than Dex has ever heard. “I'm upset, too. But it’s not your fault, and no one blames you for it. Okay? These things just happen sometimes, and it’s not because you didn’t do enough or didn’t try hard enough. I mean, dude, you try harder than anyone I know. And you do  _ everything  _ for this team, even answer all of Tango’s incessant questions without snapping at him once, which is like, a near impossible feat, honestly — ”

Dex snorts against Nursey’s shirt, then hopes desperately that he hasn’t stained it with snot.

“And hey, we won  _ nine  _ games before this. So don’t beat yourself up over just one, okay?” Dex nods, even though Nursey can see it. “And you need to stop comparing yourself to Bitty. You know he’s like, insanely proud of you, right? We all are. You’re an amazing captain. Seriously.”

“Okay,” Dex mumbles, and Nursey pulls away. Dex feels suddenly very cold, and tries to blame that on the fact that their hotel room is sub-zero, and not that he misses Nursey’s touch, because that would be weird.

“Dex,” Nursey says, narrowing him with a look. “Come on. Would I lie to you?”

“When we first met, you told me you thought lobsters were aliens sent from outer space.”

“And I meant that,” Nursey says with utmost seriousness. “I want you to say it.”

“Say what?”

“Say that you’re an amazing captain.”

Dex shifts in his spot on the bed. “Nursey…”

“Dex.” Nursey grabs him by the shoulders. “I’m not letting you go to sleep until you say it.”

He sighs. “I’m an amazing captain.”

“Now say it like you mean it.”

“I’m an amazing captain,” Dex says, louder this time, and Chowder, who's sharing a room with Tango next to them, shouts from the other wall, “Hell yeah you are!”

Dex immediately goes red, but Nursey just grins. “Thanks Chow!”

“No problem!” Chowder calls back.

“See?” Nursey says with a smile, and pats Dex on the shoulder. But when he begins to stand up, Dex’s arm shoots out on its own accord, just like the night of the kegster.

“Don’t — ” He begins, and then immediately snaps his mouth shut, feeling ridiculous. 

But Nursey stays, gaze soft and patient. “I can stay,” he says, very carefully. “If you want.”

Dex clears his throat. “Uh, yeah. That would be — yeah.”

“Okay.” Nursey gives him a small smile. “Hang on one sec.”

He goes into the bathroom, and Dex hears the sound of running water, and then he’s closing the bathroom door behind him and crawling into bed next to him, and Dex leans over to switch off the bedside lamp.

It should be weird, lying in bed with Nursey like this, the room dark and silent. It’s a little weird, but it’s mostly not. 

So Dex whispers, “Thanks,” and Nursey whispers back, “No problem,” and shortly after that, he falls asleep.

When he wakes up in the morning, Nursey’s arm thrown across Dex’s waist and forehead pressed against his back, they disentangle quietly and pack up their things without saying a word.

**four.**

Dex has an immune system made of steel. Sure, on a few instances he’s woken up with the sniffles or a small cough, but by the next morning, he’s a-okay again. Even when he was in elementary school, surrounded by children rife with germs, he’d never taken a sick day. His body could accurately be described as a well-oiled machine. So when he wakes up one morning absurdly sweaty and with a pounding headache, he knows something’s off. 

He tries to convince himself it’s nothing, but the second he stands up, his stomach rolls.

_ Shit. _

Carefully crawling back into bed, Dex wills himself not to overreact, because surely his body wouldn’t betray him like this. He probably just ate something last night that didn’t agree with him, that’s all. Besides, he doesn’t have practice, and his first class isn’t until 10 AM. All he needs to do is sleep the feeling off for a couple of hours, and he’ll be fine.

But when Dex attempts to get out of bed at 9:30, he is not fine. His body aches, he’s been shuddering all morning, and when he gets to his feet, his stomach lurches, giving him no choice but to make a mad dash for the bathroom. He makes it just in time to empty the contents of last night’s dinner into the toilet.

So. Maybe he’s sick, after all.

When he figures it’s safe to lean away from the toilet he grabs his phone from where he’d haphazardly tossed it to the ground, fires off a quick email to his professor to let her know he won’t be in class, and then leans back and thuds his head against the bathroom wall, closing his eyes.

The odds are he has the stomach flu, which isn’t the end of the world. His younger sister got the stomach flu all the time when they were kids, so he’s well equipped to handle this. If he can get some fluids in him, he’s sure he’ll feel better in no time. The trouble is, getting fluids would require him going to the kitchen, and he’s not sure he’ll make it there without puking on the stairs. 

His first instinct is to text Bitty and see if he’d be willing to bring some water to the basement, but then he remembers Bitty lives in Providence and doesn’t go to Samwell anymore. He thinks briefly about texting Chowder, but he has class, and he knows he’d skip if Dex needed him, but he’d hate for Chowder to miss class because of him, so that’s out.

Which leaves Nursey.

The thing is, things with him and Nursey lately have been...well, pretty much the same as usual, actually. They still bicker, though they don’t argue so much anymore, and their performance on the ice has improved as a result. But ever since that night in the hotel room, he gets a tight feeling in his chest every time he's with Nursey. It feels bad, sometimes, but sometimes…it doesn’t. He’s not sure how to describe it, exactly, just that sometimes Nursey will do something like text him a picture of a lobster and ask if it’s Dex’s cousin, and he’ll have to stop what he’s doing because his face won’t stop smiling, and he’s not sure what it means.

The point is, it’s weird. And he doesn’t know if he wants to deal with that weirdness right now.

Plus, maybe, a small insecure part of him doesn’t want Derek “Literally Woke Up Like This” Nurse see him puke.

But when his stomach rolls painfully again, Dex decides he has no other choice.

**Dex  
** Hey, can you bring me some water and Gatorade? I’m in the bathroom in the basement and I think I have a stomach bug.

**Nursey  
** oh shit  
be there in a few

Dex sighs and tries to drape himself over the toilet in as comfortable a position as he can find as he waits for Nursey. It takes him a little longer than Dex was expecting — after all, Nursey is two flights of stairs away — but when Nursey finally arrives Dex sees what the hold-up was.

“So, Murder Stop-n-Shop didn’t have pedialyte,” Nursey says as he begins to set his grocery bags on the bathroom floor. “But I did get two bananas and some applesauce. Plus some Advil and Tylenol, but you might want to eat something before you try to take that. And I think there’s bread in the kitchen, unless Whiskey ate the last slice, so I can make you toast, too, if you want.”

Dex blinks at Nursey, then says, throat raspy, “I asked for water and Gatorade.”

“Oh!” Nursey says brightly, and opens his third grocery bag to reveal two giant bottles of Gatorade, then pulls Dex’s water bottle out from under his arm and sets that on the bathroom floor, too. “Your water bottle was in your room, but I grabbed it for you. Hope that was chill, but I figured it’d be a better option than buying bottles of water. Hashtag save the environment, you know?”

Dex blinks again, but before he can think of anything to say, Nursey is passing him his water bottle, and Dex grabs it eagerly, taking small, measured sips, just in case. 

“How did you know to get all this stuff?” He asks when he’s a quarter of the way through the bottle.

“I googled it.”

Dex takes another swig. “You didn’t have to do all that, you know.”

Nursey frowns. “Uh, clearly I did. You look like shit.”

“Thanks,” Dex says dryly. He’s just about to tell Nursey he can leave whenever, when suddenly Nursey sits down on the disgusting bathroom floor next to him. “Uh...what are you doing?”

“Sitting.”

“I see that,” Dex says. “Why?”

“Well, it’s not like I can leave you here to die.”

Dex doesn’t quite have the energy to roll his eyes, but he does make a huff of annoyance. “I’m not going to die.”

“Well, best not to take any chances,” Nursey says firmly, and leans against the bathroom wall next to him.

“Thanks,” Dex says, and Nursey looks over at him. He hopes his flush can be blamed on the fever. “Just...I’m just usually the one taking care of someone else. Not used to someone taking care of me.”

Nursey shrugs. “Well, someone’s gotta do it.”

Dex ignores the familiar, tight feeling in his chest, leans his head back against the wall, and tries to will his stomach to get its act together. He’s pretty sure the water’s helping, but he still feels like utter shit. He knows he’d feel worse if he was alone, though, and he can’t help but feel grateful that Nursey apparently cares enough about his well-being to go all the way to Murder Stop n’ Shop for supplies Dex had never even asked for.

He considers, then, that maybe the source of the tight feeling in his chest is that Nursey keeps surprising him. He votes him for captain, helps him out when he’s drunk, delivers inspiring speeches when he’s feeling down, and sometimes when Tango says something especially Tango-like, he looks at Dex across the dining hall table and smiles behind his coffee cup, like he’s telling a joke only Dex will understand. 

He knows they’re friends, obviously. But Nursey is, well...Nursey. And after four years of their constantly evolving relationship, he can’t help but still be surprised that Nursey cares about him.

He’s just beginning to try to figure out what that means when his stomach lurches unexpectedly,  and he’s quickly leaning forward to heave into the toilet.

It’s pretty embarrassing to throw up in front of someone, and he half-expects Nursey, always dramatic, to make a noise of disgust. Instead, Nursey silently presses a gentle hand against Dex’s back and rubs up and down.

“You okay?” He asks softly after Dex stops heaving to rest his head against the lip of the toilet bowl.

“Ugh,” Dex says in response, and Nursey laughs. He moves to pull his hand away, and before Dex can stop himself, he lets out a tiny noise of protest. But before he can feel embarrassed about it, Nursey’s hand is back, a soothing pressure against his back, and it’s nice, but Dex still seriously feels like absolute shit, so he says, “Can you...just, talk about something, for a little while?”

“You know Robbie, in the class I’m TAing?” Nursey says after a minute.

“The racist one?”

“Sexist, too.”

“Right, forgot.”

“Well, anyway. Today Dr. Clark was ranting about the literary canon, as per usual, and how exclusionary it was for women and people of color. And then  _ Robbie  _ had the audacity to say that for a long time the only people who were writing were old-ass cis white men anyway, so he didn’t see the big deal, which a) is completely false, and b) what the fuck? But Dr. Clark — who’s my hero, by the way — shut that shit  _ down.  _ It was  _ mortifying  _ and I  _ loved  _ it because if Robbie had a single brain cell, he would know that the science fiction genre was quite literally invented by Mary Shelley, a woman, and not to mention that magical realism was pretty much started by the Latinx community, and — ”

The thing about Nursey is that he’s always “chill,” and always acts like he can’t be bothered to give a shit about anything. But after you spend enough time around him, you realize it’s all an act — that once you get Nursey going on a subject he really cares about, he can talk for hours. There’s so much brightness and passion inside of him and Dex hates that he hides it, but it’s also nice to know that he’s one of the few people that gets to see it. He’s not even sure what the literary canon is, but still he hangs onto Nursey’s every word.

So as Dex watches Nursey, eyes bright, hands gesturing, feeling his chest start to tighten again, three things happen at once. Firstly, he thinks to himself,  _ He’s beautiful.  _ Secondly, he realizes with a start,  _ Shit, I think I’m in love with him.  _

And thirdly, he pukes.

“Whoa,” Nursey shouts in surprise, gently patting Dex’s back. “You okay, dude?”

“Yeah,” Dex says, you know, like a liar. “I’m fine.”

And as Nursey continues to soothingly rub Dex’s back, Dex thinks to himself, head stuck in a toilet bowl,  _ I am so fucked. _

  
  


**five.**

Dex isn’t quite sure what to do with this newfound realization regarding his d-man partner, so he does the only thing he can think of — he pretends like the feelings don’t exist, and he ignores Nursey like it’s his job. 

If Nursey asks if he wants to get brunch, he pretends like he’s too hungover; if Nursey asks if he wants to come with him to Murder Stop n’ Shop, he pretends like he has homework; if Nursey asks if he wants to study in the library, he pretends like he has a meeting with one of his professors. He feels bad about it, but it’s the only thing he can think to do until he forces himself to get over the whole thing, and besides, he thinks he’s being subtle enough about it that no one has caught on.

That is, until he’s working on a project with Chowder in the library and he asks, “So what’s up with you and Nursey?”

Dex freezes. “Huh?”

“Well, you haven’t been hanging out together much, so I just assumed you were in another fight.”

“We’re not in a fight,” Dex says, concentrating very hard on the laptop in front of him. 

“Then why have you been avoiding him like the plague?”

“I’m not avoiding him,” Dex says immediately.

“Dex.”

He looks up to find Chowder looking back at him, a patient, understanding look in his eyes. “If something happened...you know, you can talk to me about it. I’ll always listen.”

“Nothing happened, I just…” Dex sighs, and looks away. It’s not that he doesn’t trust Chowder, but...well, he’s never actually come out to anyone before. He thinks his sister knows, but he’s always been too scared to tell her, worried it’d get back to his older brother, who definitely wouldn’t be supportive. If he was going to tell anybody first, it would be Chowder, but… “You promise you won’t say anything?”

“Promise,” Chowder says solemnly.

“Okay,” Dex says, and looks back at his laptop. “I...uh. Well. I think…I like Nursey.”

Chowder doesn’t respond immediately, so Dex takes a deep breath and looks back up to find Chowder practically beaming at him. “That’s great, Dex.” 

It’s not great, actually, but Dex feels himself smiling a little bit anyway. 

“Have you told him?” Chowder asks.

“What? Of course not.”

Chowder frowns. “Why not?”

Dex stares. “It’s  _ Nursey. _ ”

“So?”

There are a number of reasons Dex couldn’t possibly tell Nursey. One being that there’s no way Nursey would possibly feel the same. It could also ruin their friendship, or their partnership on the ice, two things Dex would never want to jeopardize. But what he actually ends up saying is, “I just...I don’t deserve him.”

Chowder shrugs. “I mean, does any mortal being truly  _ deserve  _ Derek Nurse?”

Dex rolls his eyes. “I’m serious, Chow. He’s...he’s just  _ good,  _ you know? He’s so smart, and like, I don’t know, interesting and stuff, and when he’s not pretending to be chill he’s just so genuine and honest and he — like, he’s just always there when I need him, even if I’ve never done anything to deserve it, and I — ” 

Dex stops, realizing Chowder’s watching him with a weird expression. 

“What?” He asks self-consciously.

Chowder shakes his head. “Nothing, just…you really like him, don’t you?”

Dex’s face burns and his shoulders hunch towards his ears as he immediately turns back to his laptop. “Shut up,” he mumbles.

“No, I think it’s sweet!” Chowder insists. “You really should tell him.”

Dex will take this secret to his grave, but still he says, “Yeah, maybe.”

Chowder, who has known him long enough to pick up on his bullshit, sighs. “Fine, but at the very least, stop avoiding him.”

“Maybe,” Dex says again, and Chowder rolls his eyes.

Three days after his conversation with Chowder, Dex still hasn’t talked to Nursey beyond exchanging a few words at practice or breakfast, and reacting with a thumbs up to the memes Nursey texts him. It's for the best, even if he's ridiculously pathetic and misses talking to Nursey an embarrassing amount.  But all good intentions must come to an end, because that Friday, Dex finds himself stumped on the essay he’s supposed to be writing for his Advanced Comp class. And he shouldn’t ask Nursey for help, because he’s avoiding him for very necessary reasons, and it’s not like it’s Nursey’s fault Dex made the stupid decision to wait until he was a senior to take this GED. But the longer he stares at his empty Word doc, the more he starts to think about what will happen to his GPA if he doesn’t turn this in on time, and that’s what makes him finally cave and grab his phone.

**Dex  
** Hey. Are you busy?

**Nursey  
** does staring at the ceiling for nearly half an hour wondering what fish do at night count as busy????

**Dex  
** ...I’m gonna say no?

**Nursey  
** what’s up

**Dex  
** I’m in the library and the paper I’m supposed to write for Advanced Comp is kicking my ass.

**Nursey  
** k i’m omw

Nursey arrives at the library nearly fifteen minutes later, two to-go coffee cups from Annie’s in his hands, and when he passes Dex his cup, he tries to ignore the way his heart flips.

Dex explains the prompt, and Nursey reads over it, too, and then they talk through what Dex is going to write about and how he should frame it in his paper, and Dex heroically does not let his mind focus on how close Nursey’s shoulder is pressed against his as he reads over the Word doc on his laptop.

He’s not sure how it happens, but a little over an hour later, Dex’s paper is finished, and he’s hitting the  _ Print  _ button.

“You’re a miracle worker,” he tells Nursey, who laughs.

“Dude, I hate to brag, but this is nothing. If you’re freaking out over a two page paper, I’d hate to see how you’d react to the twenty page thesis I’m writing.”

Dex shudders, and Nursey laughs again.

His mind is still very carefully not paying attention to how close they’re sitting together, but apparently Nursey is, because he suddenly shifts away, and Dex feels himself start to frown.

“Well,” Nursey says, rubbing his hands on his jeans and looking away from Dex. “Was that it?”

“Yeah,” Dex says. “Uh, you going back to the Haus?”

“Yeah, I’ve got to work on a poem that’s due tomorrow,” he says, standing, and Dex instantly feels guilty, dragging Nursey away from his own work to help him with a silly GED essay.

“I’ll walk with you,” Dex says, quickly closing his laptop.

Nursey pauses for a second, then grins, a little stilted. “Okay. Chill.”

So Dex packs up his stuff and follows Nursey out of the library and into the cool air, admiring the flowers blossoming on the trees surrounding campus. Dex loves Samwell during the spring, but not the way Nursey does. His affinity for leaves and nature means that Spring!Nursey is truly in his element, and every part of him seems so much more natural and effortless in the season. But when Dex looks over at Nursey as they head back to the Haus, he looks tense, shoulders drawn and a distracted look on his face.

“You okay?”

Nursey blinks, surprised, and sends Dex a look he doesn’t know how to interpret. “I could ask you the same thing.”

“What?”

Nursey shrugs with a smile that looks a little forced. “You’ve kinda been ghosting me, bro.”

“No I haven’t,” Dex says immediately, knowing it’s a lie. Nursey gives him another look, and Dex immediately flushes. “I just — ”

“Hey, it’s chill,” Nursey interrupts, with that same grin. “You don’t have to explain anything. I know you get busy and don’t have time to deal with me annoying you 24/7.”

“You don’t annoy me,” Dex says, so abruptly that Nursey stops next to him.

He lifts one eyebrow. “You tell me I’m annoying, like, daily.”

“Well you are,” Dex says, and Nursey rolls his eyes. “But I — I like when you annoy me.”

Nursey opens his mouth, closes it, then says, in a funny voice, “Oh.”

Dex feels his face burn, and wonders what it is about Nursey that makes everything he says sound utterly stupid. 

“I just meant,” he tries again. “That I’ve just — I’ve been busy.” This is sort of a lie, so he proceeds with the truth. “I’m not annoyed with you, or mad at something you did, or anything. I’m just...distracted. And I wouldn’t — I’d never want for you to — ” 

He begins to stutter, going red under Nursey’s attentive gaze, and looks away. “You’re fine. You’re...you’re good.”

“Okay,” Nursey says. He’s smiling, actually smiling this time, and when Dex looks over at him, his chest feels tight and his mouth feels dry. Derek Nurse really is, objectively, the most beautiful person he’s ever met. He must be a real idiot, to only recently realize he’s in love with him. The feeling in his chest is so familiar that it almost feels like he's loved Nursey for years.

Then Nursey says, “Chill,” and Dex rolls his eyes, and the spell is broken.

“Chill,” Dex repeats mockingly, and Nursey shoves him, but he’s still smiling.

**\+ one.**

In April, they win the Frozen Four.

It doesn’t feel real, any of it — the cheering in the stands, the blinding grins on his teammates’ faces, the celly Chowder crushes him in when the buzzer goes off. Dex can’t quite believe any of it is happening.

The kegster at the Haus afterwards is the biggest Dex has ever seen. Everyone he knows is there — all the SMH graduates (including Jack), Farmer and the rest of the women’s volleyball team, and pretty much everyone he knows in the Comp Sci major. And everyone — even people Dex was certain didn’t know who he was — stops to clap him on the back and congratulate him. Ransom and Holster even threaten to parade Dex on their shoulders around the Haus until Farmer tells them to knock it off.

Bitty spends most of the time attached to Jack’s hip or catching up with the Waffles, but when Dex waves at him across the room an hour into the kegster, Bitty quickly peels away from the group he’s talking to and makes his way over to Dex.

“Dex! Honey! It’s so great to see you,” he says, immediately going in for a hug, which Dex returns, even though he’s never been much of a hugger. “Your semester been okay?”

Dex shrugs. “I’m passing.”

Bitty rolls his eyes. “You’re always so hard on yourself. I’m sure you’ve got stellar grades.” Dex doesn’t have a response to that, which is answer enough. “And you’ve heard it enough tonight, but — great game, Dex.”

Dex shrugs again, more bashful this time, although he feels a little pleased.

“I mean it,” Bitty insists. “Seeing y’all Frogs grow into the young men you’ve become these past few years has been an honor. You’ve come so far! Hell, I never thought I’d see a day where you and Nursey can go longer than thirty minutes without being at each other’s throats, and here you are!”

Dex flushes. “Bitty…”

“Okay, I’ll stop embarrassing you. I’m just saying,” Bitty says, and pats Dex on the shoulder once, a warm and genuine smile on his face. “I’m real proud of you, Dex.”

Dex smiles back. Bitty being proud of him isn’t new information, necessarily. But all year, he’s been unable to stop second-guessing himself, worrying over every decision he makes as captain, constantly wondering if he’s measuring up to the legacy Bitty left behind.

Getting confirmation that all his work paid off...well, it feels almost as good as winning the Frozen Four.

Almost.

“Thanks, Bits,” Dex says, and he grins back at him.

All in all, it’s a good night. The best night Dex has had at Samwell, maybe. 

So of course, it has to be ruined by the lax bros showing up at the Haus a few hours into the kegster.

Dex only knows one of them — Chad R. was in his biology lab sophomore year. The other two he’s maybe seen a couple of times on campus before, but it’s hard to tell when every lax bro looks practically identical. 

His first instinct is to look for Shitty — for whatever reason, the lax bros are terrified of him, even though he graduated three years ago — but he’s probably smoking in the reading room with Lardo, Ransom, and Holster, who are nowhere to be found, either. 

Which leaves Dex to handle this on his own.

So, taking a deep breath and rolling back his shoulders, he makes his way through the crowd of people in the living room. 

“‘Sup,” says Chad R. with a nod when Dex meets him at the front door. Dex has never seen someone with an  _ edge _ to their nod. He has now. If Nursey were here, he would say that Chad R. was radiating negative vibes.

“Hey,” Dex says cautiously. “You guys here for the kegster?”

“Nah, just wanted to see if the news was true,” Chad R. says. “Guessing you guys won, then?”

“Yup,” Dex says, deliberately popping the ‘p.’ Chad whistles, and Dex raises his eyebrows. “Is there a problem?”

“Nah. Just didn’t realize the NCAA was turning into a charity case.”

Dex doesn’t know if the people around them are listening in or if it’s just a coincidence, but suddenly the living room becomes eerily quiet.

“Excuse me?” He demands.

Chad R. shrugs, casual, but the look in his eyes is cruel. “Well, let’s face it. You guys only made it this far last year because they didn’t wanna look...you know. Homophobic. Sending you guys home early, without a trophy and all.”

Dex thinks the room is still silent, but he can’t actually hear anything over the roaring in his ears.

Then Chad R. looks him up and down, and shrugs again. “Must be the case this year, too.”

Dex feels his face go red, his shoulders hunch towards his ears, but when he opens his mouth to retort, nothing comes out. But evidently he doesn’t have to say anything at all, because the next thing he knows, Nursey is standing right next to him.

“‘Sup, guys,” he says, like he’s interrupted a conversation about the weather rather than the beginnings of a fight. “It’s Chance, right?”

“Chad.”

“Same thing,” Nursey says dismissively, and Chad R. grits his teeth. “So, what seems to be the problem?”

Chad R. looks back to Dex and snorts. “This your boyfriend?”

“Why? Jealous?” Nursey asks.

Chad R. splutters, and without meaning to, Dex feels himself start to smile.

The lax bro to the left of Chad R. jumps to his teammate’s defense. “We’re just informing your captain here that free handouts aren’t the same as actual winning,” he says, crossing his arms haughtily.

Nursey’s eyebrows furrow. “So, let me get this straight...you think we won today because...the NCAA wanted to avoid scandal, or something?”

“We  _ know  _ that’s how you won,” Chad R. snarls, seemingly having recovered.

Nursey pretends to think about this. “I mean, it’s an interesting theory, but...that’s not actually how sports work.” He shrugs. “Maybe you guys would know that if your team had ever made it to a championship before.”

“Nursey…” Dex starts.

Chad R.’s eyes flash, and he turns back to Dex. “If pretty boy here doesn’t shut the fuck up, I’ll make him. Are you really that much of a pussy you have to have your teammates rush to your defense? Some fucking captain.”

“That’s rich coming from the guy that had to bring two groupies to protect him just to walk across the street,” Nursey shoots back, and Chad R. turns back to Nursey, the other two Chads moving closer on either side.

“Thought I told you to shut the fuck up, Nurse,” Chad R. growls. “Got something else to say?”

Nursey is quiet for so long that Dex thinks maybe he has decided it’s best to stop talking.

But finally, Nursey opens his mouth and says, “You wanna fuck me so bad, it makes you look stupid.”

Several things then happen at once. Chad R. takes a swing at Nursey right as he ducks out of the way, and then without even thinking, Dex punches Chad R. square in the jaw. The two Chads flanking their fearless leader immediately jump towards Dex, but Ransom and Holster materialize practically out of nowhere, grabbing either guy and pulling them away, and tossing them and Chad R. out onto the street.

“And stay out!” Shitty, who has finally appeared long after Dex needed him, shouts out the door after them for good measure.

“You okay?” Nursey is asking, and Dex looks away from the scene playing out in front of him to Nursey, whose eyebrows are drawn together in concern.

“Yeah,” Dex says, but Nursey is already gently taking his hand and examining the back of it, which is, admittedly, bleeding a little.

“C’mon,” Nursey says, loops his arm through Dex’s, and drags him into the upstairs bathroom that Nursey and Chowder share. He ushers Dex towards the counter, and he dutifully sits on top of it as Nursey presses a wet washcloth gently against the back of his hand. 

“I really am fine,” Dex tries to insist, even as he winces at the pressure against his knuckles. “I’ve had way worse.”

“Shut up and let me be your nurse,” Nursey says, and when Dex doesn’t respond, he looks up. “Get it? Because my last name is — ”

“Yes, Nursey, I get it,” Dex says irritably, but Nursey just grins.

They’re silent after that, Nursey continuing to press the damp washcloth against Dex’s hand. It doesn’t sting so much anymore, which means he now has nothing to distract himself from the fact that Nursey is practically holding his hand, that Nursey is standing right between his legs, so close that Dex can make out the specks of brown and yellow in his green eyes.

But if Dex lets himself focus on that, he’ll let himself imagine this means something to Nursey like it does to Dex, which is simply not the case. So to stop himself from making things weird, he clears his throat and says, “You didn’t have to do that, you know.”

A dark look passes over Nursey’s face. “I wasn’t going to let those dickheads talk about the team like that,” he says. “Or you.”

Dex’s heart skips several beats. “I could’ve handled it myself.”

“I know,” Nursey says. “But you don’t have to.”

Dex sighs. “Nursey, I — I appreciate you having my back and looking out for me and helping me when I ask. But you don’t — you don’t have to do all of this.”

“I know,” Nursey says again, concentrating on pressing the washcloth against Dex’s bloodied knuckles. “I look out for you because I want to.”

“ _ Why? _ ” Dex says, bewildered.

Nursey huffs in frustration and tosses the washcloth onto the counter, finally looking up. “Because it drives me crazy that you spend so much time taking care of everyone that you forget to take care of yourself. Because you care  _ so much  _ about the people who are important to you and have the audacity to act surprised when someone notices and wants to show you they care about you, too. Because you work so hard every day to be better and stronger and I want you to know that I  _ see that  _ and that I appreciate it and — ”

Nursey stops abruptly and looks away to pick the washcloth up from the counter and run it under the sink. It isn’t until he’s wrung it out and then pressed it against Dex’s knuckles that he looks up at Dex again.

“Because, I love you,” he says. “So. There. Is that answer enough for you?”

Dex blinks, and he knows his ears are exceptionally large, but there’s no way he heard that right, because there’s no way Nursey...there’s no way he’d actually…

“You…” Dex begins wonderingly, and Nursey looks down again.

“Please, don’t pretend like you didn’t already know for my benefit,” Nursey says dryly, but his hand shakes as it presses the washcloth against Dex’s knuckles. “I know that’s why you ghosted me for like a month.”

Dex quickly shakes his head. “Nursey, I didn’t — ”

“And if it’s too weird, we don’t have to talk about this again. I obviously don’t expect you to — ”

“Nursey, wait — ”

“Like, we can just let things go back to normal, if you want. Or if it’s too awkward, and you want some space, that’s — that’ll be fine, too. Really, it’s chill, I — ”

“Derek,” Dex interrupts, and Nursey finally looks up.

Even now, knowing for certain Nursey returns his feelings, he almost feels too afraid to say it out loud. But how could Dex keep this to himself, how could he be anything but honest, when Nursey has always been so brave and open and himself with Dex?

“I love you too,” Dex finally says in a soft voice, but in the quiet of the bathroom, his voice sounds louder than he’s ever heard it.

A slow smile spreads across Nursey’s face. “Yeah?”

Dex nods, and Nursey’s smile grows. He leans impossibly closer, his forehead leaning against Dex’s, and says quietly, “Can I…”

Dex nods again, and then Nursey kisses him.

They don’t kiss for very long, because Dex is smiling too much for them to get very far, but the kiss is soft, and slow, Nursey’s hands resting gently against his hips, making him feel held, and safe, like no one but Nursey ever has.

And when Nursey pulls away, Dex doesn’t feel bad about smiling too much, because Nursey’s smile is just as big.

**Author's Note:**

> find me constantly talking about how nursey and dex are in love with each other on [twitter](https://twitter.com/scoopstroops) and [tumblr](https://rocketnebulas.tumblr.com/)


End file.
